Man, what a whirlwind of a couple of weeks! I've really missed having Derick here to help out with the load and share with during the easy coasting. It's been super nice to have the help of family and friends, though. Sometimes, I imagine myself back in North Carolina with Reeve and Paris, and I just feel overwhelmingly grateful for the opportunity to be here and have this company and help. Those ladies who stayed onboard good ol Camp Lejeune during the deployment, especially those with multiple kids, are my inspirations! Wowee wow wow.
I really miss certain things about North Carolina. My husband, for one. Also, the beach and the salty air that I took for granted. I miss the sweet simplicity of living on base and being near so many I-know-what-you're-going-through friends. I miss cheap coffee at Dunkin Donuts and cheap chicken at the commissary. I miss FLAMING AMY'S BURRITO BARN and First Baptist Jax. Praise God for leading Reeve and me to Verge Church in Jonesboro, though. That church and the people there have been an answered prayer. Praise God for my mom and dad, too. My mom has this incredible patience that floors me. I don't know how she does it. My dad is such a hard worker; always going, going, going. I'm glad to be able to be here in Arkansas right now. God knew exactly what we needed, and He provided. He continues to provide. I'm thankful. (By the way, I haven't found myself missing and longing for Western Boulevard. Stay tuned for that...)
I'm also looking forward to the future, though, and it's such a struggle for me not to plan and scheme. I am always trying to figure out the next step, and I'm learning that I'm called to just trust in His timing and His plan and just follow Him from day to day. So many questions linger in my mind about what will happen; where we'll go; what we'll do; what kind of dental insurance will we have in the future (see: my status update on FB). But God tells us, "don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothes?" I was strangely reminded of that verse as I was looking at these sweet zip-up boots online. Haha, I know that's not what the verse is really saying...but isn't it? Kinda?
Worrying is something that easily consumes me. I have to try really hard not to do it, and I've noticed that the more I try, and the more I give over to God, the easier it becomes to just focus on the day itself.
Reeve is very quickly becoming super responsive to my questions. He dances when I ask if he can shake it. He gallops when I ask what the horsie does. He growls when I ask him about any other animal, aside from the horse. Even a butterfly growls. It's true that babies know more than they can tell us. He knows when I'm frustrated because, guess what, he growls! I'm trying really hard to contain my frustration and maintain my peace. I see my flaws and failures, and I just want to fix them before he can pick up on them. I worry and stress and then turn around and think, "I really hope Reeve doesn't become so stressed out one day." I hope my tooth decay is the only negative thing I pass on to him. I hope everyday he can look through my mistakes and see the grace of God. I hope he can disregard my selfishness and learn to love people. I hope I can learn to do that, too.
Everyday is a new day to learn and grow and love. I spent a lot of years running in circles and chasing my own ambitions, and I'm so sick of everything in my world being Kem-based because it only leads back to the beginning. I think when we stop worrying about our own troubles and circumstances, we can focus our eyes and energy on something bigger and more substantial. And when we start thinking about others, our own situations usually don't seem so troubling. Perhaps that's God's way of hearing our pleas for help.
I hope to be less about me, more about God. More about Derick and Reeve and my family and friends and strangers I haven't even met yet! What a task it is to put myself aside! I don't even know if I can do it, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to screw it up. Thank God for grace!
