Whoa, it's 2:25 in the morning, and I am awake. Please forgive me if this post has a lot of rambling that isn't really comprehensible. I've heard about pregnancy insomnia a lot, and I've been blessed to not deal with it until lately. On weekdays, Derick gets up around 4:45 and the light in the bathroom or his alarm wakes me up, and my body immediately tells me to eat. So, I go in the kitchen and chow down, and by that time, the sugar I've eaten combined with just being awake for a little bit, keeps me up until the sun comes up. After that, I normally fall asleep until around 9 or so.
It's been quite an eventful week, so I'm not all too surprised that I'm awake at 2:30, but I've actually been awake since just before 2, so I'm thinking tomorrow is going to be a tough one. Kelsey came back from Oregon, so that's been wonderful. I was able to help her move into her house (on base!!!) by delivering her couches, beds, washer and dryer, and other really heavy household goods. Ok, so I mostly put her clothes away and that's it, but hey, I'm about to pop! She did have some good help in Chase and Laura, so her house was nicely set up for Jonathan's arrival from Afghanistan. He got in last night, which could have had something to do with my excitement. The homecoming event itself was really a lot to handle. Lots of families waiting on their loved ones. I couldn't help but thank God that my Marine was sitting right there next to me. I know Derick still has a desire to deploy, and if I could stop being selfish, I'd admit that I hope he gets the opportunity, but it is a blessing to have him here with me, especially in the next few weeks of our lives. Even though my Marine wasn't coming back from a deployment, I could almost relate because I've been without him for a time. He wasn't ever in harm's way like those guys and girls, so it's different, but being without the one you love isn't easy. Ever. I was so happy for Kelsey and all the people who were reunited with their loved ones last night. Everyone who left on that particular deployment returned home safely. Praise the Lord for that! And praise Him for returning Jonathan to Kelsey. It was really awesome to take part in their reunion. I hope I didn't offend them by getting in their faces to take pictures. Hopefully, they didn't really notice me at all. :)
Tonight, I actually thought we might end up at the hospital. I've had some pressure/pain, especially at night, for the past week or so, and it's slowly grown more intense. Tonight, I was hurting pretty bad, but my pain wasn't anything like contractions are described. I'm pretty sure it's just Reeve growing and moving slowly downward. I was a little bummed that actual contractions never really started tonight, but maybe it's good because my house is slightly a disaster, and I don't want to bring him home to a mess.
Other than physical changes, I've been feeling pretty odd in the emotional/mental area, too. I'm a little more sensitive than I've been all pregnancy, and I focus a little more on small things. Maybe that's normal. I'm just hoping that if I've said or done something crazy that people were able to shrug it off as pregnancy lunacy and forget about it. My mind has pretty much been baby, baby, baby all year long, and the closer I get to Reeve's arrival, I think the crazier I'm becoming.
I still feel relatively fine, with the exception of the pressure/pain. My stomach is undeniably huge, and I had a mild meltdown the other day because literally nothing in my closet fits anymore. Not even my maternity stuff. I have to wear Derick's larger t-shirts or squeeze into a long stretchy tank top. I'm pretty sure that's the sign that Reeve should get on out of there, but he has his own agenda, and I'm trying to be patient. I eat a whole bunch, and I've made excuses that I deserve it, so I'm hoping that I don't regret it too much once I'm not carrying around another life inside my belly. I'm curious to know what the heck my stomach will actually end up looking like once it's all said and done. I probably don't want to know. The vain side of me reminds myself that plastic surgery, though impossibly expensive and unnecessary, is always an option. Our tiny baby is worth every mark and extra inch of flab that I get.
I just now took my rings off, and for the first time, it was sort of difficult to slide them off, so now I'm considering leaving them off until after the birth. I sure as heck do not want them cut off. That really stinks, though, because I was thinking maybe I was lucky enough to not swell up. Yeah, right.
I also just walked back to use the bathroom, and when I turned on the light, I saw Paris in the bed, back to back with her Dad. She looked at me like, "What????" She is really funny. I know she senses something because of the new baby gate that keeps her out of her favorite room in the house. She also thinks "Brother's room" is mysterious. She will go in there from time to time and sniff around and cry and scratch at his basket full of binks and toys. She's already grabbed a book off his shelf and she sleeps with one of his carseat strap protector animals that she threw a fit for. I'm pretty sure it will be humorous to see her interact with him, but I also think she's going to be a pretty good big sister once she gets him figured out. We call him "Brother" a lot, but I think she will end up calling him "The One With The Toys." She's been spoiled lately because her grandparents are here, and they give her whatever she wants. They stopped by for a few minutes yesterday to drop off some beans and cornbread (ok, I'm spoiled, too) and Mom immediately handed Paris a rib bone. Paris completely ignored the Frosty Paws ice cream I'd just given her. Mom could have handed her a dirty sock, and she would have thought it was the best gift ever. She loves her Momo and Popo. They have the best snacks.
I'm pretty sure that's it as far as updates go. We're just trying to be patient, which is nearly impossible and kinda pointless these days. I'm getting a little more concerned about things like birthing a baby, feeding a baby, changing a baby, and raising a child. The birthing part hasn't really worried me at all until recently. I'm looking forward to the epidural, as is Derick, and I know some pretty weenie girls who have had children, so I'm thinking I can do it. I'm not too awful when it comes to pain, although Derick would disagree. I think he forgets about all the other whiny women out there. The feeding part is a little intimidating because I haven't done a lot of homework on it. I'm banking on just adapting to Reeve's needs and developing a routine. All babies are different. They eat differently and adjust differently, so I guess I haven't tried to map out a distinct plan because I don't want it to fail miserably. The changing aspect isn't too nerve-wracking because my mom will be here and she cloth diapered me and my siblings. Yes, things have dramatically changed since then, but the basics are the same. The laundering part is what makes my brain spin a little bit, but hopefully I can develop a method for that as well. As far as raising a child, I'm pretty nicely equipped with the best counterpart for that, and I'm relying on a lot of prayer and a lot of learning-as-I-go. I've had some really great examples--good and bad--so hopefully I won't let our son down too often. So weird that we will have a son in potentially hours or days or weeks. I feel like I've loved him my whole entire life. Now, I get to love him forever.
Paris just jumped out of bed and ran in here to me. Maybe she does love me a little. She is already asleep in her chair, so I guess I should gather her up and bring her to bed. I know tomorrow--well, today--will come quickly, and I have a lot of cleaning to do. Maybe next update will be all about how cute our son is! Paris says goodnight!!!
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