This time, last year, I was deliberately acting nonchalant toward my parents, Derick, and Derick's parents. We were in my parents' camper on Onslow Beach at Camp Lejeune, and Derick had just arrived for supper. Earlier, I had told my mom and Kim that maybe Reeve was coming soon (I won't go into the glamorous details of why),and both of them were being super dramatic out of pure excitement, so I made it a point to be overly calm and collected. Derick came in, and I told him that we were going to eat, then we could go by our house to get the hospital bag, also on the edge of its seat after a false-alarm trip the week prior. I remember sitting in the middle of the booth, on the other side of the little dinner table in the camper. I needed to get out to get more mac-and-cheese, but I was packed in, so I just stood up and jumped down from the connecting bench. Looking back, maybe I was being a little too cool about the labor.
Anyway, you heard the birth story that welcomed our sweet Reeve into this world. It wasn't a typical, beautiful story, yet it was. It was so beautiful, and as Reeve turns one year old tomorrow, I have fond thoughts of the past two years. Two years ago, September 19, Derick and I found out that we weren't going to be parents quite as soon as we'd thought. We were totally crushed, and I went through, by far, the darkest era of my entire life.
However, exactly one year and one day from that day, Reeve Magnus was due to arrive. (He was stubborn of course, and that hasn't changed). He was more than an answer to many prayers; joy after a season of pain and defeat; light after a time of darkness.
I look at my son, and I see everything I love about my husband. I see all of my strengths. I see simplicity and complexity, all at once. I see love and hope and joy. I see, clearly and without obstruction, God. I have new reason to live righteously (and totally fail at it). I have reason to be completely selfless. I fail at that, too.
Reeve came into our lives at the perfect time. He is the coolest baby ever. Even during his fits or when he feels bad, he has a peaceful demeanor and can always spare a smile. Babies are wild. They fascinate me.
Two days ago, Reeve took his very first consecutive steps. He's been standing for a while, and about a week ago, he took one deliberate step out in the yard and I nearly had a heart attack. I ran over to him and kissed him and hugged him--probably freaking him out enough to discourage any further attempt at walking for a week. His first steps were in my parents' living room. He was playing with his new trucks he got at his birthday party. My mom was in the floor with him, and I got down to play, too. He held his truck, and my mom said, "bring it to Mama." There he went. One, two, three, four steps straight to me. I hope he always knows he can bring anything to me, and I'll be there to catch him.
Our long-haired boy is full of energy and personality. He makes weird sounds, and he is super mechanical with his hands. He likes to figure things out and take things apart. He likes to go "back" (out back). He likes to ride his "budden" (trike). He likes to take a bath, and he'll tell you that. He loves animals and growls at them. He growls at people that have even the slightest resemblance to animals. He growls at a lot of things. When I mention "dada," he makes kiss noises. When I sing "Reeve is here today," he waves at me. When I read the part about the promenade in Barnyard Dance, he mumbles and makes the "cockadoodledoo!" sound, too. He's a smart fellow. He's my muscle man and one of the good guys.
I'm proud of the baby Reeve is, and I hope that we can instill goodness and patience and kindness and respect in him. I hope he grows up knowing all about God's grace. I hope he always finds an animal to growl at.
I wrote a song the other day, in honor of Reeve's first birthday. I was going to sing it in a video, but I didn't want to embarrass my husband anymore than some of my hairdos and outfits already do. So, I'll just write the lyrics:
"Better"
a song for your first birthday
Reeve smiles with an open mouth.
He laughs, and I love that sound.
It's like hearing Mmmbop for the first time,
but better.
He lights the fields in Arkansas,
the waves and sand all along
the east coast
With a joy that makes the entire world
better.
Even Helmand has a beating heart
that synchs with his.
My whole world is illuminated with
one sweet kiss.
Life is better.
It's better.
I am better.
now that you're here.
His hair dances in the southern wind
and his voice makes me feel free again,
Just like when I met you in the gym,
but better.
He holds my hand when he walks,
and he looks just like you whenever he talks
and his heart has the very best of us
but better.
I hope I can be everything he needs.
We have everything in the world
now that we have Reeve.
Life is better.
It's so much better.
I am better
now that you're here.
When you think of me,
I hope you can see
that I'm always trying to be--
just for you--
better.
Happy first birthday, Reeve Magnus Roberts. Your parents are the proudest in the world because of you!
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